21 Weeks

Merry Christmas Baby Craig!

Christmas at the Craigs

This year we hosted our 2nd annual "Christmas at the Craigs" party for all those involved with the youth ministry at our parish. Only like 15 people RSVPed yes, so I was expecting a small crowd, but about 40 people came! Our little house was packed to the limit! The picture of Jason and I was taken at the very end of the night. Most everyone had left and I had been trying to clean some new stains out of the carpet for a while. Thankfully, most of them came out, but man are hard wood floors so much more practical!

19 Weeks

I love this picture of Jason showing off pictures of Baby Craig at our 19 week ultrasound, the first with our OB. He is going to be such a great father!

17 Weeks

Here is a belly shot of me at 17 weeks. I'm not very big, but I was so proud of my little baby bump and couldn't wait to show off my first pregnancy dress! This picture was taken the night of a dinner party with people from Jason's work.

Our First Couple of Ultrasounds

Seeing Baby Craig for the first time was so amazing. We had had so many ultrasounds with my endometriosis surgery that it was unreal looking up at the big screen and seeing a tiny baby there. The first ultrasound was done at 6 weeks and the baby was so small that we could barely see him/her! It was done to make sure that the baby was healthy, had implanted in the uterus, and to see how many babies there were. We conceived naturally and so the chance of twins was very low, but I was still hopeful! :) We were so thankful to see a tiny little heart beating on the sonogram. The next sonogram was done at 8 weeks where we got to hear the heartbeat, and then the final sonogram was done at 10 weeks where we saw our baby dancing! (Watch video in lower post). I love the pictures below because they capture my joy at being pregnant. We saw our infertility doctor for the first ten weeks of pregnancy for closer monitoring of our pregnancy because those with endo in their past have higher chances of ectopic pregnancies (meaning that the baby implants in the fallopian tubes instead of the uterus). It was so amazing to go to the infertility clinic and not be upset about infertility stuff. I still can't believe we are pregnant. Our baby is such a little miracle!!!

Adventures in the Maternity Store

So the adventure begins! These pictures are from when I was about 10 weeks pregnant. Not really showing at all, but my curiosity peaking, we decided to go try on maternity clothes for fun. At the store they had these funny, misshaped pregnancy pillows that make you look more pregnant than you are. They freaked Jason out because of their odd shape but I had fun trying on clothes and getting a sneak peak of what I would look like in a couple of months. Jason, being the comic genius that he is, thought it would be funny if I put the pregnancy pillow on my back side. So the second picture is just for laughs. It is what we hope WONT happen during pregnancy!

Our Celebration Dinner

Last year when my dad was in town visiting, he told me that when I became pregnant he would take me to The Columbia, one of the nicest restaurants in St. Augustine. As month after month passed by and no baby came, I began resenting the restaurant. I had to drive by it everyday to pick up Jason from work would wonder if the day would ever come that I would be able to celebrate the conception of a child. But God is so faithful, and here we are below, six weeks pregnant, celebrating the arrival of baby Craig! Jason celebrating with an alcoholic drink and me with a big glass of milk! :) The dinner was great and we had a great time. Thanks dad!

MY BIG FAT POSITIVE!!!

So, I know I'm very behind posting pregnancy pictures, but here they are starting at the beginning with my first BIG FAT POSITIVE!!! I took the test at work (the St. Gerard Campus) at the end of the day. I was one day late for my period and my temperatures were still high. When the test came back positive, I was in shock, it was like I wouldn't allow myself to really believe it. I went immediately to go pick up Jason from work and showed him the positive test. When Jason saw the positive test he almost threw it he was so fired up! We just hugged, looked at each other and laughed because we couldn't believe the good news. We then went to the Church and just thanked God for our precious gift. I still keep the positive test beside my bed because sometimes I wake up and still can't believe I'm pregnant!!!

My wife is awesome

If you've ever read or heard about the book "The 5 Love Languages", you know what I mean when I say that Katie's love language (or the way she receives love) is "words of affirmation". Well, she's done a lot of work on the house and this blog, prayed for me consistently, been consistently and constantly beautiful, and been agonizingly fun to be around these past couple of years we've been married. So, Katie, when you get to the Internet and see this post, hear these "words of affirmation":

You are an awesome wife, friend, and now mother.

When choosing a spouse, its important to ask yourself if this person will be a good mother. Well I don't think Katie will be a good mother. I think she will be an awesome mother. Her way with kids and her presence comforts me beyond measure because I know I have more than a "keeper". I have a virtuous mother that I trust to raise my children. These words are so true:

"Happy the husband of a good wife, twice-lengthened are his days;

A worthy wife brings joy to her husband, peaceful and full is his life.

A good wife is a generous gift bestowed upon him who fears the LORD;

Be he rich or poor, his heart is content, and a smile is ever on his face. "

Sirach 26 1-4

What a time

Its truly amazing to see the life that is growing in Katie. What will the child be like? What's the sex? These questions become more real and exciting when you can see the baby moving during an ultrasound.

Last week, we got to see baby Craig again. During this time of Advent, when we meditate on the coming of Christ, its amazing to imagine the anticipation of the Blessed Virgin Mary as she held in her womb the very Logos or Word of God. Its different this year with a child in the womb within our own family - its even more amazing! The thought of God's humility to come to us in the helpless form of a baby in order to set us captives free. How scandalous. It was disappointing for many then, and hard to believe for many now.

In advent, the typical Marian antiphon to finish the day is the Alma Redemptoris Mater, which I will include with the post of our latest picture of baby Craig (like I said, things like this have a new tune now):

Alma Redemptoris Mater, quae pervia caeli
Porta manes, et stella maris, succurre cadenti,
Surgere qui curat, populo: tu quae genuisti,
Natura mirante, tuum sanctum Genitorem
Virgo prius ac posterius, Gabrielis ab ore
Sumens illud Ave, peccatorum miserere.

Translation:

Loving mother of the Redeemer,

gate of heaven, star of the sea,

assist your people who have fallen yet strive to rise again.

To the wonderment of nature you bore your Creator,

Yet remained a virgin after as before.

You who received Gabriel's joyful greeting,

have pity on us poor sinners.

Greek Festival

St Augustine always has some sort of event going on, and last weekend was the Greek Festival. It was put on by our local Orthodox Church (man I love that eastern liturgy, look out for that orientale lumen!). Food, games, shopping, and food!
Here's Sam, who's been featured on this blog before, enjoying the innocence of his youth on a tractor ride.

Seriously, doesn't Katie look good with a baby? That's baby Gus, which is short for Augustine.

A video made for the youth group

This is a video I made to show for a "respect life" night at the youth group. It was part joke, part informing about our pregnancy, and part making an often discussed topic more tangible.

-Jason

Pregnancy Updates Coming Soon!

Please forgive me for not posting info about our exciting news! Finding time to go to a place that has the internet when I'm not sick or tired is hard! But coming soon, I'll post lots of pictures of our positive pregnancy test (which I had never seen before), our celebration dinners, belly pics, and the fun we had trying on clothes in the maternity store. :) As of Tuesday, I'll be 8 Weeks pregnant! Keep checking back...

Something from my other blog, but thought it would be good here too...

Women were not given the right to vote
I just wanted to make this comment which I have seen brought up on other blogs I check out. This is a point that I think needs to be remembered:Women were not given the right by the government to voice their opinion by voting.Women already had that right and the government simply recognized what was already there.We are endowed by our Creator with rights and we have these because of our very nature. If we fail to recognise what we catholics call "natural law" which includes the rights of man, we are in big trouble (reason being is not going to be posted on this blog, but it has nothing to do with a particular faith).The people grant rights to the government, not the other way around. The baby in my wife's womb (who's heartbeat I saw yesterday at 6 weeks) has a right to life whether or not the government recognizes it. If its not a baby..what is it? If its not a baby..then Katie's not pregnant. If its a baby..then its a person. If its a person..he or she has rights. Its irrefutable (but deniable) logic.Blacks had the right to freedom before the government gave it to them.Get it?

Visiting the Espositos!

I have been wanting to go visit my friend Kelli who lives in Virginia Beach for a while, and with my first day of work being this Monday, I decided that this weekend was my last chance for a while to go see her. I had an amazing time and am so thankful for our friendship. Here are some pictures of her kids who are absolutely adorable!!! Kelli also struggled with infertility and so it is awesome to see her now, surrounded by children, living the life of a loving, full time, busy mom. The youngest one (the little baby) captured my heart and gives me hope (her conception is such a miracle!) that I'll one day have a baby of my own...

A visit from Sarah Stuckey

This weekend, we had lunch with an old friend whom you might like to see. Sarah, my maid of honor who is also a good friend of Jason, came into town to visit some other friends who live in the area. We spent Sunday afternoon with her catching up and showing off our beautiful city.

Where's Mac?

Mac is just now coming out of an extreamly sleepy phase that he's been in the past couple of week. We will find him passed out in the most weirdest places. Can you find him in these two pictures? The second one is easy, but funny still.

Stay-cation

Here are a couple of shots of our stay-cation (a vacation where you stay in your town). We went to mass and did a lot of home projects, but on our big day out we went to the De Leon springs in Florida. There we ate at a restaurant where you cook your own pancakes right there on the table, swam in the 72 degree water, and slept in the shade under a beautiful palm tree. Note the huge trees that Jason had fun climbing in.

Our Two Year Anniversary

On August 5th, I woke up sick and so we watched 24 (a tv show) until I felt better (which took all day). Around supper time I felt good enough to go out, so we went out for supper and a game of putt putt. We had a good time reminiscing, goofing off at the putt putt place, and looking through wedding pictures. It is hard to believe that two years have gone by; infertility has made them so bittersweet. Bitter because of the heartbreak of not being able to have children and sweet because of the beauty in the sacrament of marriage and the abundant grace given to us from God. I'm so blessed to be married to such an amazing man who continues to build our house on the rock of truth and love during this hard time.

"I have a friend who..."

There are two people here in Florida who have been amazing friends to me during this struggle with infertility. You might have heard me refer to them as "my friend who tried to conceive for ten years" and "my friend who couldn't conceive and adopted." I just wanted to put a face on these two beautiful women of God who have been constant encouragement during this hard time. It is hard to make friends when I am so emotionally spent. Most people don't understand or don't know how to react to my constant hopes and disappointments. These women have been through everything I've been through and more and now, after many years and heartbreaks, have beautiful children; this gives me so much hope. The first picture is of "my friend who tried to conceive for ten years." (She is the one in the pink shirt). After going on a pilgrimage and storming heaven with prayers, they finally conceived their miracle baby girl. The last picture is of my friend "who couldn't conceive and adopted" at her second child's baptism.

Coping with Infertility

Interview: Coping With Infertility

By Karna Swanson
7/26/2008

Zenit News Agency

In this interview, Professor Marie Meaney addresses the challenges facing couples struggling with infertility, and the possible spiritual consolations and rewards of embracing the condition with faith.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Zenit) - The suffering of infertility can be intense for couples, but looking at the condition with the eyes of faith can turn the experience into a "spiritual journey," says professor Marie Meaney.

"Only God can prevent extreme suffering from turning into anger, resentment and bitterness," says Meaney, an Arthur J. Ennis Teaching Fellow at the University of Villanova in Philadelphia.

Meaney, who has been active in the pro-life movement for many years, is also the author of "Embracing the Cross of Infertility," a talk offered online and on CD through the Human Life International Web site.

In this interview with ZENIT, Meaney comments on the challenges facing couples struggling with infertility, and the possible spiritual consolations and rewards of embracing the condition with faith.

Q: You say accepting your infertility is much like accepting the death of a child, and that it is particularly difficult for the woman. What is at the core of this suffering?

Meaney: For those who are not suffering from infertility it may be difficult to imagine how painful it is. Before it happened to me, I had no idea how awful it was. Most couples probably go into marriage thinking that children are a given, that they will simply come along; when they don't, this opens up in a new way how central the gift of life is to marriage and in particular to the woman.

Obviously, the marriage is no less valid if the couple is infertile; but when no child is conceived, the spouses are denied the visible fruit of their love. The spouses desire to see their love embodied in the gift of life; they want to start the adventure of raising children together, seeing in them parts of themselves, and yet also completely unique persons with their own vocations and personalities.

Infertility affects both men and women, but the woman's suffering tends to be particularly pronounced. Already Rachel cried to her husband Jacob in the book of Genesis: "Give me children, or I shall die!" -- Genesis 30:1, Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2374.

The woman is the one to experience pregnancy, feeling the child grow in her womb, as Pope John Paul II said so beautifully in "Mulieris Dignitatem," and thus she will also feel more deeply the lack thereof. Since her vocation is motherhood of some kind, she suffers particularly from its absence.

Infertility is terrible for her even if she already has children, but is unable to have more. Except if she knows that the sterility is final, she will go through hope and disappointment every month; and this disappointment comes at a time when it is emotionally and hormonally the most difficult.

Some women feel that their life is on-hold during this time: They are simply waiting for children and in the mean time not much else makes sense. No profession, no successful career can fill the emptiness caused by infertility.

Q: What tips would you give to parents, friends and pastors of an infertile couple? What should they say and not say?

Meaney: As with all suffering, at the core of the response should be the willingness to suffer with the couple, to stand under the cross with them, to be there for them. After all, compassion comes from the Latin word "com-pati," "suffering with." Anything that falls short of that is less than helpful.

Let me give some examples: The spouses may go through a long period of anguish about their childlessness, which to others may seem excessively long. The worst kind of comment is to mention other people whose suffering was supposedly worse, yet who got over it more quickly and grew from it; the implication is that the couple is not meeting that standard and is at fault.

Or, previously infertile people tell the couple that once they had "let go" and had stopped being stressed about their infertility, then they had suddenly conceived. The implication to the infertile spouses is, however, that they are not abandoned to God's will, otherwise they too would be able to conceive; it is therefore their fault in some sense that they are not conceiving.

This is what Job's friends did: They held Job responsible for his suffering. At times we all become like Job's friends: We tend to make those suffering responsible for their pain when it has lasted for a long time; for otherwise we would have to stand under the cross with them.

Seeing other children, being present at baptisms or baby showers can bring out suffering in the infertile couple in a new way. Sometimes people accuse the spouses of being envious while in reality their suffering is simply surfacing in those circumstances.

Generally I'd say, don't be the one to broach the subject. Perhaps the spouses don't want to talk about it or perhaps they are not in pain about it just now. Show an openness to listen compassionately and this will be a deed of mercy.

Q: Is there a point at which a couple should stop trying to conceive? Is adoption for every infertile couple?

Meaney: Every couple must discern for itself how pro-active it wants to be about trying to overcome its infertility. Some simply don't have the financial means to explore new -- albeit ethically licit -- options. Others can't face the emotional strain of continuing to attempt new procedures, the hope and disappointment that comes with it each time. Some need closure and decide to move on, though they would be delighted by the surprise of an unexpected pregnancy.

Personally, I think it is a good idea to think out of the box, try alternative medical options and never to give up. You just never know what might work for you. In any case, it is important to find out the reasons for the infertility in order to find solutions; sometimes the pain is so great that it is hard to face medical tests, and this is where husband and wife should encourage each other.

Adoption, I believe, is a vocation and not every couple feels called to it. Some infertile spouses think they can be fruitful in other ways, and serve the Church in a manner that couples with children can't.

Q: What is the role of a childless couple in promoting a culture of life?

Meaney: On the one hand, the childless couple is in the unfortunate situation that to outsiders it seems to have embraced the contraceptive mentality and the culture of death.

On the other hand, the couple can be a great witness to the world, if it speaks out when appropriate. The spouses can talk about the pain of infertility, about the great gift that children are; if their infertility is due to previous abortions or contraception, this might make others think twice. Or by speaking out against in vitro fertilization (IVF), which might be their only option to have a child, they are a witness to the fact that children are a gift and that no one has a right to them.

Finally, by embracing this cross, the spouses will de facto be promoting the culture of life; by uniting themselves to Christ they are "serving, like Christ, the salvation of [their][…] brothers and sisters," as John Paul II states in "Salvifici Doloris" (No. 27). Only in the next life will they know the extent of their spiritual fruitfulness.

Q: Your essay underlines the spiritual elements of infertility, discussed in terms of a cross to bear. What suggestions would you make as to deal with infertility in a spiritually fruitful way?

Meaney: Looking at infertility through the eyes of faith prevents it from being merely a human disaster and turns it into a spiritual journey. Only God can prevent extreme suffering from turning into anger, resentment and bitterness. However, God does not perform magic; he does not simply take the pain away, nor does he give us the answer to our anguished question, "Why is this happening to me?"

But if we embrace this cross, then ultimately we will find inner peace. A temptation is to meet the challenge stoically, thinking one can "deal with it" without realizing that one is avoiding the cross, and thus denying oneself the necessary mourning period.

Often we think that if we are suffering much, we must be doing something wrong. We have the false conception that being abandoned to God's will means that we will sail through all difficulties and master them in Herculean fashion. But being nailed to the cross means experiencing great anguish, as Christ did; but it will ultimately become our path to salvation if we accept it.

"Do not be afraid," John Paul II exclaimed at the beginning of his pontificate. We are afraid of crosses, of the deaths we experience through them. But God will bless us a hundredfold through them and we will bear fruit for the Church and the world in ways we probably don't even know.

In eternity this wound will be part of our glory, shining forth, reflecting God in a particular way. Though we may never have biological children, we will have spiritual children many of whom we will only get to know in heaven.

Decorating the Home

I love putting the effort into decorating our house, but Jason is always making fun of me for how often I switch out curtains in the living room, buy pillows, take them back, repaint the kitchen, etc. I'm not good at picturing how something will look in my home so I tend to buy things, bring them home, try them out, and if I don't like them, return them. I just never expected to go through this much stuff!Decorating my first house is more of a challenge then I expected it to be! So here is testimony to this fact. (Ignore the uneven painting on the wall...its a long story and we haven't been able to fix it yet.) The last set of pictures are the current state of our living room and the color of our dining room, and so far I'm pleased with how it is turning out. (Sorry about the tilted picture!)

Last WYD Pics

Our big screen, Me and Jase in our staff shirts, the stage, and Jesus, fully present in the Most Blessed Sacrament of the Altar, in Adoration.