Monday, November 4, 2013

Reflections on the first Trimester


Peter is really growing into a little boy.  We call him little big Bubba, cause one moment he is off exploring by himself outside, carrying bricks and feeding chickens, and then the next he is crying in my lap begging to nurse.  He has been pretty fussy these past couple of months and we think its because he's making the transition from baby to boy. He says new words everyday and our new favorite is "dak" or dark.  When it gets dark outside, he opens his eyes wide, looks toward the window and whispers "dak!".  He also loves the stars. At night when we are coming in from milking, he just throws his head back and gazes at them. He adores his big brother and sister, and spending his time messing up whatever game they were trying to play. Its funny the different dynamics each sibling pulls out of Peter.  When he is with Margaret Mary, he is silly, chasing her around, yelling and playing monster.  When he is with Henry, he plays priest and processes around the house bowing and singing.  Peter also loves books and will sneak away to the bedroom for a while to read on his bed.  He still cosleeps, but sleeps through the night and sometimes falls asleep for the night in his sister's bed.  We think its time to transition him to his own toddler bed soon!
 

Henry is Henry.  Loving, prayerful, sensitive, talkative.  We have are trying to teach him not to throw a fit, but to use his words when things don't go his way or is frustrated.   He tends to have the same cry for everything, so we never know when he cries if he is just frustrated, annoyed, just got bitten by a snake or is hungry.  He talks a lot and we understand him more and more everyday. He is all boy.  He carries around his shovel outside and spends all day digging holes, picking things up with his shovel and setting them down "gently."  He also loves playing knight and goes back and forth deciding what he wants to dress up as, a priest or a knight.  He also LOVES our cat and we think its about time we got the boy a dog!



Margaret Mary is growing leaps and bounds each day.  She can read and write some words and does great doing school with Mommy.  She would much rather though, be outside working on one of her many ideas.  The girl gets something she wants to do in her head and then works hard to make it the way she wants it.  One time she came in and told me she was going to make a cowboy hat.  She got out the glue, the markers, paper and sissor and went to work. She was all business!  After a few minutes she asks me to tape something to her head that resembles a stop sign, and asks me to write "Margaret Mary's cowboy hat" on it.  I do it and she beams; by golly she has just made herself a cowboy hat!
 

My sweet daughter is soooo excited about the baby in my belly and loves looking at baby development books and asking "what is forming in our baby today?"  She plays giving birth and then presents a stuffed animal to me with great pride and asks me to put her baby in her sling so the baby can hear her heartbeat.  We had some friends in town the other day who had a baby, and when Margaret Mary got to hold him, she beamed and asked "do I look like a mommy?"  If you ask her though, if she wants to be a mommy, she says no, she wants to be a nun.  We talk to her about the different kids of nuns and sisters and she heard me telling Jason one day what a sacrifice it would be to have our daughter enter a convent to never see her again.  She told me not to worry, that she would be a sister (a religious that lives in community, but isn't secluded) so I could come visit her.


I want to cry thinking about my big girl moving out one day and not hearing her sweet voice every day.  She really is a treasure and is growing into such a beautiful young lady.  She is helpful, she looks out for her siblings, she is funny and kind; we love her (and all our babies) so much!

My first trimester so far has been rough. Not as bad as with Peter, but still have just felt like crap all the time. Tired, a little nauseous, kinda how you feel after you have been sick forever. When it just lingers.  I am 10 weeks now and slowly feeling better each day. I look horrible though. The weather has turned cold and I find myself throwing on whatever I can to keep warm.  When people come to the house, I get double takes.  But, right now its about feeling as good as I can.  I want to get a haircut soon and go maternity shopping so I don't look so frumpy, but I am waiting until the 2nd trimester (when the chance of miscarriage decreases) to do so.  My sweet sweet friend who I have always had the blessing of being pregnant with, lost her baby a few weeks ago and it has been heartbreaking. Life and death cause a lot of reflection.

Jason deserves an award for best husband.  My night owl husband who takes hours to wake up in the morning, wakes up with me and Peter early and fixes breakfast while I take it slow on the couch.  He does the dishes again and again and doesn't complain too much about getting everyone dressed out of clean clothes mountain (a giant pile of clothes that keeps on getting added to and probably wont be put up till the 2nd trimester).  I am so thankful for his help and support.

I also want to do a shout out to my dad, who came down on a days notice and fixed me a lot of yummy meals to keep in the fridge. I have had aversions this pregnancy to everything that I cook, which has made it really hard to eat.  When someone else cooks for me I'm fine! so weird.... Jason calls this pregnancy the pregnancy of milk and bacon, causes thats about all I can fix myself and not want to vomit


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Henry Turns Three!

Believe it or not, this is a smile...

Peter getting some Grandma love

Here comes the apple pie!


Margaret Mary and Henry hugging in excitement.

Present time!




For months leading up to the big day, Henry would tell us excitedly, "its almost my birthday!"  When we would ask him what he wanted for his birthday, he would respond simply "an apple pie."  So precious.  For his little party, some family came into town and we had an apple pie.  Henry was showered with wonderful presents that he truly loved: a real toolbox, a dragon costume, a rocket launcher, some blocks, a firefighter rain jacket...  Henry seemed so humble in opening them, it was like he was saying "another present?!?! for me?!?!"  It was a joy to watch him. He was so happy he couldn't help but share the joy with his sister, "Mary is YOUR birthday!" 

The past few months in fast foward...

I take a lot of pictures, and then get overwhelmed when I get behind in editing and posting them to here.  So, I tend to procrastinate.... Until today. I sprained my ankle pretty bad yesterday and so while Jason is watching the kids, I figured I would rest and update the blog.  So here is the summer in fast forward...
Peter and his Papa

Playing in all the mud!

Always dancing...

Little Big Bubba

Henry reading the map

What a big boy! He LOVES the 4 wheeler!
Henry loves his little animals

Breakfast from the garden

Margaret Mary playing "Market."  This is a table with a towel over it as the tablecloth and then flowers placed beautifully on top of it.

Afternoon naps with Papa

We got pigs!


Taking naps on blankets outside...


Waking up happy!

Thats right! We're expecting again! Little one due early June.

Jason telling the kids, "There is a baby in Mommy's belly!" I love Henry's curious eyes!

Both kids eye my belly...

Margaret Mary falling in love. She has been praying for a baby sister...

Excitement!  Henry had a total boy reaction, but MM was captivated!  She asks about the baby all the time, kisses and talks to my belly and likes to look at pictures of babies in their mama's bellies.  She tells me to rest, to drink water and plays babydolls all day long.  She is really growing up into a little girl. She helps out so much around the house and with the kids, that when Jason takes her somewhere I am at a loss of what to do!   It has been so beautiful how much she loves the baby already. She is SUCH a good big sister...
Hopefully more blog updates to come soon!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

7 Years


August 5. 2013, we celebrated our seventh year wedding anniversary.  Jason took the day off from work and we drove to Atlanta, GA to go to Mass at an FSSP chapel there. We REALLY miss our FSSP parish in Littleton, CO.  An FSSP parish is an all latin mass parish that is still in communion with Rome (don't confuse them with SSPX parishes). 

This past year has been crazy. Last anniversary, we were hiking in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado, and this one we are on a farm in the foothills of NC.  We want to settle, to put down roots, but know its not where we are and we don't know where. It has been a journey trying to find our home (on this side of heaven), and it is dizzying all the different option and possibilities. It's hard to move a family, but we are waiting for God to open the right door.

A friend of ours, Colleen Nixon, wrote a beautiful song when she found out she was pregnant with her second child ( a few months after the birth of her first!).  She was nervous and scared and just wanted her husband to hold her, but deep down she knew it was "more than right." No, we aren't pregnant, but this song really captures my heart right now.

"I just want you to hold me, and tell me that everything will be alright. Cause deep down I know it will be, deep down I know its more than right..."

We are blessed with an amazing marriage and during this time of waiting and prayer, I find comfort daily in my husband's arms. 

"To Live is to Love is to Die, so I'm ready...to live and to love and to die...with you."



It's Been A Long Time

I haven't updated the blog in a while and I'm sorry; I know you grandparents look to this to help bridge the miles between us.  It's been good, but its been a hard summer. Thankfully, Jason's mom was just in town and took lots of pics...I thought I would post some of my favorite ones and you can see what we have our hands full with over here! Thanks Tammy for the pics; I love them!





That's right! Me milking Bonnie, our cow.

MM and her cousin Alyssa playing

Don't you love the big kids cuddling with Papa, and Bubba sneaking apples in the background?


Me, Jase and the Kids with Aunt Eryn and Alyssa

An epic pic of Bubba :)

Monday, July 29, 2013

Some encouragement for you moms out there...

"The Tunnel of Parenthood" 

taken from:  http://onemoresoul.com/news-commentary/the-tunnel-of-parenthood.html

In 2005, my husband, Tom, and I relocated from Ohio to upstate NY with three young children in tow. God provided for us, and we quickly made wonderful and faith-filled friends. Soon after settling in, I was invited to a “mom’s dinner,” an evening out to get refreshed. There, I was introduced to Joan, who was at the time the mother of nine and newly expecting her tenth. I looked at her in awe, unsure how anyone could have nine children!
“Oh,” she exclaimed, “you’re in the darkest part of motherhood! It’s going to get better!”
Joan was elegant and well-spoken. She turned to me and cheerfully asked, “So, what are the ages of your children?” I answered a bit sheepishly, “4 ½, 2 ½, and 1 ½,” unsure of where the conversation was heading. “Oh,” she exclaimed, “you’re in the darkest part of motherhood! It’s going to get better!” Say what? I was totally surprised, and frankly, relieved.
Instead, I had braced myself for some sort of motherhood fish story, the kind of rivalry that a soon-to-be-mother-of-ten could handily win every time… like, “Oh that’s nothing! You should walk a day in my shoes,” or “Just wait till you have six more and see how many loads of laundry you’ll have to do then!” or “Let me tell you about the time that eight kids, plus the husband and the dog, were all vomiting in our 12-passenger van during a 36-hour pilgrimage to EWTN!” Yikes! What could top that??
But that’s not the treatment Joan gave me. It was just…sympathy. Real, heartfelt sympathy from a more experienced mom to a newer one. Wow. It was as if a huge weight was lifted from me, and I was filled with hope. “It’s going to get better? Really?” I didn’t know it at the time, but Tom and I were in the “Tunnel of Parenthood: The First Five Years.” Now that we have emerged from the Tunnel, I have grown more and more convinced that those were indeed the hardest years.
It’s not the mere fact of having children under the age of five in the home that makes it the Tunnel; it’s going through the parenting of children under five for the first time. The very young child’s stages of development are rapid-fire and, when you’ve never experienced them before, are at times baffling. It all slows down after age five. Meaning, the differences between a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old are vast compared to the differences between a 5-year-old and a 6-year-old. It is a literal whirlwind from zero to five.
More than that, in the first few years, parents are “on duty” all the time in a very physical way. It can be plain exhausting when the little ones are getting all of their needs met by Mom and Dad, and those needs are immediate and primal. Feed me! Change my diaper! Hold me! Play with me! Make my dollie talk! Push me on the swing! And on and on. I remember when the mere act of strapping three young kids into their car seats was like an athletic event. Parenting in the Tunnel requires a very bodily sacrifice from Mom and Dad.
While new parenthood is certainly joyful and miraculous, the years in the Tunnel can also be frightening, overwhelming and anxiety-producing. I have known many parents with two young children who say with conviction, “We couldn’t possibly have a third!” They often are working under the assumption that adding another baby would exponentially increase their current burdens, and they predict (incorrectly) that those burdens are permanent and unchanging.
How many decisions for sterilization are made during this stage of parenting, only to be later regretted?
Now that Tom and I are out of the Tunnel, we have found that each new child brings a paradigm shift to the family, and we all adjust together to that new reality. Welcoming another child after the first one is over the age of five is nothing like having a baby when you’re in the Tunnel. Our number four, Anthony Jack, came into our lives when the older three were 6, 4, and 3, and it was a revelation to see how much easier it was, repeat c-section and all. We had a better handle on what we were doing as parents, but most of all, little AJ had an older brother and two sisters to talk to him and play with him and love him. I know it’s been said by others, but how true: adding another child doesn’t divide your love, it multiplies love in the family.
When in public, I enjoy searching out parents who are in the Tunnel. It turns out they’re very easy to spot, and not just for the obvious reason that there are babies and toddlers crawling on them. There’s a subtle look of shock on their faces, maybe a combination of sleep deprivation, battle fatigue and confusion. It is always fun to approach them and tell them, “Congratulations!” Then, I tell them that they are in the Tunnel of Parenthood and that it’s the hardest part. They may look bewildered at first, then relieved like I was.
I tell them that the next baby will be easier, and they’ll often reply that they’re “done.” “Never say never!” I assure them. It’s impossible to decide today how you will feel next year or the year after that. The decision to get sterilized is often made based on feelings, albeit very vivid feelings. After number four, I could easily imagine being “done” myself with childbearing. Thanks to NFP, we revisit that question each cycle, and somehow, slowly and imperceptibly, that openness to number five has crept in.
Joan always says, “God sends each baby with a loaf of bread under its arm!” She should know, after ten children. Now that we’re out of the Tunnel, it’s easier for us to see as well. If you know a couple in the Tunnel of Parenthood, give them some encouragement and see if you can lighten their burden just a little. That may be all they need to open their hearts to one more soul in their family (and then another!). Their future children will thank you for it!
Emily Sederstrand
Freelance Speaker / Fertility Educator
”When you tell a woman how she’s made,
you’re telling her about her Maker!”


 

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

It seems as though God is asking our family to wait patiently on a lot of things right now.  One of those things is growing our family.  We desire more children, especially as we see the world growing in its disdain of them and the sacrifices they require. The example are numerous, but the biggest being the abortion doctor who delivered full term babies and left them to die alone or drowned them.  A human person looked on as trash because they weren't desired or didn't have the right sex, or didn't come at the right time in life, or had needs that required an even more selfless life. We believe that a baby, even a few cells old, is a human person.  Its hard to believe we have to defend such an obvious truth. 

We desire to be open to life and to have a large family because children are valuable and precious, even when they come at inconvenient or undesirable times.  As Catholics, we rejoice at the fruit of our love;  Love is always becoming.  The fruit of marriage is childbirth, and from the very beginning it has been seen as a blessing, not a burden or something to be prevented or controlled or meticulously planned.  They always require a huge sacrifice (of the self), but tell me, what good thing in life have you received that did not require sacrifice?  Children are always a blessing and should be joyfully received.  Its hard to believe we have to defend such a obvious truth.

So we wait patiently for God to grow our family.  I get nervous thinking about past infertility and hoping that it won't rear its ugly head again.  But Jesus, I trust in you...

Yesterday in the car, we heard this song on the radio and Jason and I kept on looking at each other with tears (Jason claims he did not have any tears). The song is about a elderly man who finds a suitcase with a baby in it that has been thrown off the train. He takes the baby home to his elderly wife...


"Sarah Jane, Sarah Jane, be a mama to the boy from the train..."  Such a beautiful story that shows the world's need for strong women like Sarah Jane, who receive the blessing of undesired babies."

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Our Little Trapeze Artist

Ever since Margaret Mary saw Madagascar 3, she has become obsessed with circus tricks.  She spends hours on the swing set coming up with tricks, and just recently has learned some tricks on her bar and rings that we have hanging in the back room. In the following pics, she got into all these positions by herself. She's pretty impressive... 





This one was actually a flip where she swung herself over!

Little girls have the sweetest details...



If you remember, we bought the bar and rings for her for her fourth birthday.  We got the idea from Fun at Home with Kids and LOVE it!