Some encouragement for you moms out there...

"The Tunnel of Parenthood" 

taken from:  http://onemoresoul.com/news-commentary/the-tunnel-of-parenthood.html

In 2005, my husband, Tom, and I relocated from Ohio to upstate NY with three young children in tow. God provided for us, and we quickly made wonderful and faith-filled friends. Soon after settling in, I was invited to a “mom’s dinner,” an evening out to get refreshed. There, I was introduced to Joan, who was at the time the mother of nine and newly expecting her tenth. I looked at her in awe, unsure how anyone could have nine children!
“Oh,” she exclaimed, “you’re in the darkest part of motherhood! It’s going to get better!”
Joan was elegant and well-spoken. She turned to me and cheerfully asked, “So, what are the ages of your children?” I answered a bit sheepishly, “4 ½, 2 ½, and 1 ½,” unsure of where the conversation was heading. “Oh,” she exclaimed, “you’re in the darkest part of motherhood! It’s going to get better!” Say what? I was totally surprised, and frankly, relieved.
Instead, I had braced myself for some sort of motherhood fish story, the kind of rivalry that a soon-to-be-mother-of-ten could handily win every time… like, “Oh that’s nothing! You should walk a day in my shoes,” or “Just wait till you have six more and see how many loads of laundry you’ll have to do then!” or “Let me tell you about the time that eight kids, plus the husband and the dog, were all vomiting in our 12-passenger van during a 36-hour pilgrimage to EWTN!” Yikes! What could top that??
But that’s not the treatment Joan gave me. It was just…sympathy. Real, heartfelt sympathy from a more experienced mom to a newer one. Wow. It was as if a huge weight was lifted from me, and I was filled with hope. “It’s going to get better? Really?” I didn’t know it at the time, but Tom and I were in the “Tunnel of Parenthood: The First Five Years.” Now that we have emerged from the Tunnel, I have grown more and more convinced that those were indeed the hardest years.
It’s not the mere fact of having children under the age of five in the home that makes it the Tunnel; it’s going through the parenting of children under five for the first time. The very young child’s stages of development are rapid-fire and, when you’ve never experienced them before, are at times baffling. It all slows down after age five. Meaning, the differences between a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old are vast compared to the differences between a 5-year-old and a 6-year-old. It is a literal whirlwind from zero to five.
More than that, in the first few years, parents are “on duty” all the time in a very physical way. It can be plain exhausting when the little ones are getting all of their needs met by Mom and Dad, and those needs are immediate and primal. Feed me! Change my diaper! Hold me! Play with me! Make my dollie talk! Push me on the swing! And on and on. I remember when the mere act of strapping three young kids into their car seats was like an athletic event. Parenting in the Tunnel requires a very bodily sacrifice from Mom and Dad.
While new parenthood is certainly joyful and miraculous, the years in the Tunnel can also be frightening, overwhelming and anxiety-producing. I have known many parents with two young children who say with conviction, “We couldn’t possibly have a third!” They often are working under the assumption that adding another baby would exponentially increase their current burdens, and they predict (incorrectly) that those burdens are permanent and unchanging.
How many decisions for sterilization are made during this stage of parenting, only to be later regretted?
Now that Tom and I are out of the Tunnel, we have found that each new child brings a paradigm shift to the family, and we all adjust together to that new reality. Welcoming another child after the first one is over the age of five is nothing like having a baby when you’re in the Tunnel. Our number four, Anthony Jack, came into our lives when the older three were 6, 4, and 3, and it was a revelation to see how much easier it was, repeat c-section and all. We had a better handle on what we were doing as parents, but most of all, little AJ had an older brother and two sisters to talk to him and play with him and love him. I know it’s been said by others, but how true: adding another child doesn’t divide your love, it multiplies love in the family.
When in public, I enjoy searching out parents who are in the Tunnel. It turns out they’re very easy to spot, and not just for the obvious reason that there are babies and toddlers crawling on them. There’s a subtle look of shock on their faces, maybe a combination of sleep deprivation, battle fatigue and confusion. It is always fun to approach them and tell them, “Congratulations!” Then, I tell them that they are in the Tunnel of Parenthood and that it’s the hardest part. They may look bewildered at first, then relieved like I was.
I tell them that the next baby will be easier, and they’ll often reply that they’re “done.” “Never say never!” I assure them. It’s impossible to decide today how you will feel next year or the year after that. The decision to get sterilized is often made based on feelings, albeit very vivid feelings. After number four, I could easily imagine being “done” myself with childbearing. Thanks to NFP, we revisit that question each cycle, and somehow, slowly and imperceptibly, that openness to number five has crept in.
Joan always says, “God sends each baby with a loaf of bread under its arm!” She should know, after ten children. Now that we’re out of the Tunnel, it’s easier for us to see as well. If you know a couple in the Tunnel of Parenthood, give them some encouragement and see if you can lighten their burden just a little. That may be all they need to open their hearts to one more soul in their family (and then another!). Their future children will thank you for it!
Emily Sederstrand
Freelance Speaker / Fertility Educator
”When you tell a woman how she’s made,
you’re telling her about her Maker!”

 

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

It seems as though God is asking our family to wait patiently on a lot of things right now.  One of those things is growing our family.  We desire more children, especially as we see the world growing in its disdain of them and the sacrifices they require. The example are numerous, but the biggest being the abortion doctor who delivered full term babies and left them to die alone or drowned them.  A human person looked on as trash because they weren't desired or didn't have the right sex, or didn't come at the right time in life, or had needs that required an even more selfless life. We believe that a baby, even a few cells old, is a human person.  Its hard to believe we have to defend such an obvious truth. 

We desire to be open to life and to have a large family because children are valuable and precious, even when they come at inconvenient or undesirable times.  As Catholics, we rejoice at the fruit of our love;  Love is always becoming.  The fruit of marriage is childbirth, and from the very beginning it has been seen as a blessing, not a burden or something to be prevented or controlled or meticulously planned.  They always require a huge sacrifice (of the self), but tell me, what good thing in life have you received that did not require sacrifice?  Children are always a blessing and should be joyfully received.  Its hard to believe we have to defend such a obvious truth.

So we wait patiently for God to grow our family.  I get nervous thinking about past infertility and hoping that it won't rear its ugly head again.  But Jesus, I trust in you...

Yesterday in the car, we heard this song on the radio and Jason and I kept on looking at each other with tears (Jason claims he did not have any tears). The song is about a elderly man who finds a suitcase with a baby in it that has been thrown off the train. He takes the baby home to his elderly wife...

"Sarah Jane, Sarah Jane, be a mama to the boy from the train..."  Such a beautiful story that shows the world's need for strong women like Sarah Jane, who receive the blessing of undesired babies."

Our Little Trapeze Artist

Ever since Margaret Mary saw Madagascar 3, she has become obsessed with circus tricks.  She spends hours on the swing set coming up with tricks, and just recently has learned some tricks on her bar and rings that we have hanging in the back room. In the following pics, she got into all these positions by herself. She's pretty impressive... 

This one was actually a flip where she swung herself over!

Little girls have the sweetest details...

If you remember, we bought the bar and rings for her for her fourth birthday.  We got the idea from Fun at Home with Kids and LOVE it! 

"Remember Me? I'm the one, who loves you."

Right now, Dean Martin is in our record player and the first song on the album in "Remember Me? I'm the one, who loves you."  It's a great song and we love listening to it.  Yesterday that kids were twirling around the living room dancing to this song and Margaret Mary RAN up to me with her face glowing.

"Mama, Jesus is singing this song!"

Me:  "Why do you think Jesus is singing this song?"

"Cause he says 'remember me? I'm the one who loves you!"

St. Margaret Mary would be proud of my little girl.  Jesus appeared to St. Margaret Mary and told her how his heart was on fire with love for us, but how the thorns of our rejection of him pierce his heart with pain.  You have probably seen this image before, and it's a picture of how Jesus appeared to St. Margaret Mary, with his heart exposed and on fire for love for us.  When Jason and I become Catholic, we fell in love with the devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and when we had our baby girl, we knew we had to name her after St. Margaret Mary.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.  St. Margaret Mary, pray for us.

I strongly encourage you to listen to the song! Click on the video to watch... I posed the lyrics below

When you're all alone and blue
No one to tell your troubles to
Remember me, I'm the one who loves you

When this world has turned you down
And not a true friend can be found
Remember me, I'm the one who loves you

And through all kinds of weather
You'll find I'll never change
Through the sunshine and the shadows
I'll always be the same

(And through all kinds of weather
You'll find I'll never change)
Through the sunshine and the shadows
I'll always be the same

Where you go I'll tag along
Remember me, I'm the one who loves you
Remember me, I'm the one who loves you

Papa's Girl

A few weeks ago, Jason called me out to take some pictures of Margaret Mary.  He was mesmerized by her.  She had picked out a little hat to wear and she had a perfect ringlet hanging down in front of her face.  Jason insisted I take some pics so he could remember her this way forever.  Here they are babe...

Peter at 15 months

Peter is so happy now that he can walk. He is so cute walking all over the house trying to copy whatever the big kids are doing.  He finds his own toys and gets really into his games, entertaining himself for up to ten minutes sometimes!  Here are some of my favorite memories watching him so far:

-In the play kitchen he got out a rag and spent a whole minute wipping off the top of the kitchen table before he started to "cook".

-We got home from a car trip and I set him down on the driveway.  He squatted, holding a cup he had gotten at a resturant and proceeded to pick up rocks and put them in his cup.  He would put some in, take some out, put some in...it was so joyful to watch him! He did this for 15 minutes!

-Tonight (I will edit and post pics later), he walked over to the chicken's feed and played with the chickens for about 20 minutes.  He would reach in and get out some feed and then hold out his hand as if he wanted the chickens to eat out of it.  He would them try to grab at them.

- Everytime the front door is open, Peter makes a beeline for the outside. He walks out onto to porch, climbs down the steps, walks to the end of the sidewalk, and goes off into the side yard to explore.  He doesn't wait for me or his siblings.  The boy wants to GO!

I think this is my favorite age.

Here are some pics of Peter painting...

When did Peter get so big?

Dirty Happy Children

"Mama, take a picture of me like this."

Peter loves stroller rides and playing with his shoes.  Today, he tried to help Henry put on his socks.

"Where did everyone go?"

Peter's Walking!

I haven't posted in a while cause our routine has been thrown off by our cows. But, now I'm back and I can't wait to share pics of Peter walking! He's finally taken off.  He has been taking steps for a while now, but he wouldn't "take off."  We love seeing him walk all over the place and he's much happier that he can go where he wants now. Yay Peter!

Before he "took off", he would just hold onto our pants legs or hands and try to drag us in the direction he wanted to go.  This was very frustrating for BOTH parties.

 

 

Today he walked over to the grass and just walked around in it, squatting down to pick flowers,  and then he fell flat on his face. It was priceless.

Need a fix?

Sorry for the lack of posts -  I have been trying to document this exciting time (our cow giving birth and learning how to milk her) on Jason's blog.  Feel free to hop over there and see what has been going on! I will post more family pics once I have a moment to catch my breath :)

The Farm Life

Riding four wheelers...

Jumping off hay bales in the dairy barn...

 

Babies in slings durring cow chores...

 

 

"These became part of that child who went forth every day, 

and who now goes, and will always go forth every day."

-Walt Whitman, There Was a Child Went Forth

Growing Up

Climbing trees...

Learning to write her own name...

(She has a hard one! This was the first time she wrote it by herself with me spelling it out. (I had to help her finish Mary) I love the letters crossed out and her old fashioned "a".  Her how to read book teaches it that way and I have just rolled with it.

Henry is growing up too and loves to write in notebooks.  He carries them around with him and will say "write B," and then look down at his notebook and write/draw something.  He also loves to write letters, most of which he writes to his sister..."dear Mary".... Henry is the only one Margaret Mary lets call her "Mary" 

Henry also has turned into the ultimate Papa's boy.  He will crawl up in his arms and saw sweetly, "Wu my daddy. I sit in wu wap"  We don't know where he got daddy from.  

Hanging with the Havens

As I mentioned on the previous post, we spent the rest of the Memorial Day hanging out with the Havens. We had brats, roasted potatoes, salad and homemade jello!   We are truly blessed to have them as friends and enjoyed our time with them! Here are some pics of their beautiful family and all the kids. We both have had three babies in three years, so there were six of them running around!

Their beautiful Faustina

Becky and Francisco

All the kids! Don't you love Henry's cheese?

Francisco is a few weeks younger than Peter and has the nickname "bubba" as well!

The Beautiful Haven's Family

Little Faustina again. She looks right into the camera with the most adorable faces! Don't you love her curls?

The next day we packed up our things and headed home.  We loved our visit to Nashville and hope to make the trip again soon!

Memorial Day

We spent Memorial Day in Nashville as well.  We first went to visit a cemetery to give our thanks.  I really enjoyed reading the tombstones and Margaret Mary enjoyed kissing the tombstones.  I am always in awe of what people say on tombstones;  what would you say about the one you love in less than 20 characters?  This cemetary was huge, graves as far as the eye could see.  It was very humbling.

Loved this caption, "A Family Man and a Patriot."

We ended the day with a cookout with one of our favorite families...(see next blog post)