I'd LIKE to think labor started at 37 weeks. I, for the first time, experienced braxton hicks (little practice contractions) for weeks before the baby was actually born. While I knew they didn't mean labor was imminant, they still hinted that labor could be right around the corner. One day after having two serious braxton hicks contractions, I sent Jason away to blow up the birth pool, just in case. He came back with the pool blown up and then freaked out because we haddn't put new tires on the van yet and insisted that it be done that very day (the male version of nesting). (That story makes me smile). Every day I would get a few contractions here and a few contractions there and it made me so hopeful that this baby would come on or before his due date.
Little did I know that I would be a week overdue when Jason and I would decide to pack up the house and go ahead and move into a new home (which finally came through!). We were sitting around waiting for a baby and knew a move in the next few days was GOING to happen; why not now when we know the baby isn't on the way yet? We sent out the email for friends to come and help and we packed everything up and moved into our new home. That day I had tons of braxton hicks contractions and I couldn't help but ask the baby to wait a few more hours. You can't have a home birth if all of your home is packed onto the back of a trailer! Thankfully the braxton hicks were just from the stress of moving and never amounted to anything.
A few days (and ALOT of help) later, our new home was mostly unpacked and nice and cozy for a home birth. Still, I woke up every morning STILL pregnant. And achey. And emotional. When the midwife checked me I was only 1 cm dilated and 50 % effaced. I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be pregnant forever. You really start to think crazy when you are overdue. I couldn't function at 60% even. I remember trying to vacuum and getting the chord stuck under a door. I pulled the chord, moved the door trying to yank it free and finally got down on my hands and knees to try to see what the heck was going on. I couldn't. My belly was in the way. And I lost it. I cried pitifully and yelled for Jason to come and help me. It seems silly, but when you are so big you are rendered helpless in many ways and its so frustrating to not be able to do things you normally could.
To add to the chaos, my midwife was going away to a conference on June 11-13 and would not be able to help me if the baby came durring that time. (A midwife from 2 hours away would be on call for me). Everytime we talked about this possibility we were both sad but felt a peace in God's will. We were both convinced it would work out fine.
So of course it was in the afternoon on June 11 when I began to experience come contractions in a normal pattern (a sign of real labor). Every 10 or so minutes they would come. They were not too painful yet and I could walk and talk through them, but they were there. I was so excited. I sat on our front porch on my birthing ball (a big exercise ball) and watched the kids ride bikes while I timed contractions. (They are getting really good and riding bikes! Even Peter!). I texted our miwife to let her know what was going on and sent out a text to friends to pray for me. At 10 days overdue, I wanted this to be it! Come on labor! Unfortuently, they never picked up in steam. They stopped for an hour or so and then picked back up, but never gained too much in intensity. I was bummed, and confused as to if this was labor or not. The midwife had a break in her conference and drove to check me. 2 cm. Oh I cried. She left for her conference again and told me to call the midwife on call if labor picked up. Jason put the kids down and just held me in bed while I cried. I still felt contractions in a habitual manner, but felt frustrated at them because nothing was really happening. I was also sad that my midwife would not be available if this WAS the beginning of labor. I just knew it. I was going to be pregnant forever.
Once I had calmed down, I took a bath and tried to go to sleep. The contractions were coming stronger, but I knew I needed to rest if this was still early labor. From the crying and the all day excitement of labor possibly starting, I was so tired. The contractions slowed down with my lying down but became so strong that I had to get up and walk and moan through them. I laid at the foot of our bed so I could easily roll off, walk around, go to the bathroom and then lay back down to rest. Around 10:30 pm they were coming every 5 minutes and getting stronger. When I went to the bathroom I saw I had some bloody show and so asked Jason to call the midwives that lived 2 hours away. I remember that my contractions slowed down a bit while we waited (and tried to sleep!) for the midwife to arrive. Maybe to 4 or 5 and hour? But I felt confident in calling her because they were getting harder and harder to handle. After each contraction I would lay back down at the foot of our bed and try to sleep. The excitement of labor was gone, I was just so tired. Looking back, I realize I should have been eating during this time, as my low energy made labor harder, but all I wanted to do was sleep.
The midwife arrived around 1ish and we made small talk as we had never met her before. She was very kind and wearing a skirt, and I thought, "if she can deliver a baby in a skirt, she can do anything!" I couldn't really talk but just walked around durring the contractions and they were coming every 5 minutes or so. I was beginning to feel a lot of pain in my lower back. The contractions were really hurting too. I think I had talked myself into thinking that labor in the past wasn't THAT BAD; but these really hurt. I think I was just so tired that my relaxation techniques weren't working. All I could think was "I just want these to be over!" When the contractions would reach their peak, (and I was stumbling around like a sleepy zombie trying to walk through them) I would look at our picture of Jesus and his Sacred Heart and would shake my arms, trying to relax them and say "submit." I thought my mantra would be "trust and surrender," but those seemed too complicated at the moment. All I could do was submit to the pain; and it was painful!
Soon the midwives and Jason began filling up the birth pool. By now a sharp ache had begun in my legs durring each contraction and the birth tub looked SO INVITING. Scared that my contractions would stop if I got in the tub (which happens in early labor) I asked the midwife if it was okay to get in and she said "Sure! If labor slows down, you can just get out." She was so laid back the whole time. As tired as I was of labor, I was even more tired of being pregnant and didn't want labor to stop. I just wanted it to be over.
Around 3am I was walking around trying to find a place to go into "labor land." Those who have given birth naturally know what I'm talking about. You have a desire to get away into a dark place and just zone out and deal with the pain. I went to the bedroom and rocked on the birthing ball and the midwife's assistant offered to put some counter pressure on my lower back. I was so thankful for her help! After a few contractions the birthing tub was ready and I so was releaved to get in. I could go into labor land. And of course, the contractions stopped. I tried to relish the quiet. The water felt amazing and the pain in my legs was gone. The midwife's assistant was now pouring water on my lower back and it felt amazing. I had a few contractions in the tub but they weren't coming anywhere as fast as they had been. I had read somewhere that right before you push, you body can give you a break from contractions, but I didn't think I was anywhere close to pushing. I began to feel like I could push a little, but knew I was kidding myself. There was no way I was through transition and ready to push. I told the midwife how I was feeling. "Just try to push and see how it feels," she advised. That wasn't the answer I was looking for. I didn't want to let myself think I could be so far if in reality, labor had stopped because I got into the birthing tub too soon (at say, 5 cm). I had a few more contractions and I tried to push a little, but didn't have any strong impulses. I finally asked her to check me because I was sure the desire to push a little was just wishful thinking. I anxiously awaited her verdict: 9.5 cm with a lip. A lip is when the baby's head has pushed a little bit of the cervix down and so it can't finish dilating. With the next contraction she tried to push the lip out of place. It didn't work and so she held my belly a certian way with the next contraction and I felt the baby move down. That was such a weird feeling. The baby must have hit a nerve or something cause I remember frantically trying to get on all fours again and yelling "help me!" With the baby moved down, I knew it was okay to push. I felt a little bit more confident. I'm good at pushing. I pushed Peter out in two pushes!
Ha! I pushed and I pushed and I could not get the baby out. I felt like those exhausted moms on birthing shows where the doc threatens them with a c-section if they can't push the baby out in the next contraction. I was pushing so hard, SO HARD and I felt the baby's head peak out and then go back in. Why couldn't I get that head out? Was I too tired? Had I made it all the way to the end only to not be able to push the baby out? The birth records say I pushed for 30-45 min, but it felt like forever. Finally the midwife advised me to squat on one leg. After I did that, I pushed that darn baby out at 4:36am. Interesting fact: John was born "in the sack," which means that my water never broke and so when he was born, the membrane was still in tact.
In natural birth videos, the moms always seem ecstatic when they have finally pushed their baby out. I was just in shock. I remember the midwife telling me to hold the baby in the water so it wouldn't get cold and I just couldn't move. My arms were so sore, everything was so sore from pushing that all I could do was sit still and hold the baby. They wrapped the baby up in a towel (still with me holding it) and poured water on it so it wouldn't get cold. Finally the midwife asked "aren't you going to look to see what it is?" and I mustered enough strength to adjust the baby's legs. A boy. I went into even more shock. What the heck am I going to do with 3 BOYS???? I can hardly manage 2! (When I told my midwife this, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "I know, I have 6." That was so comforting!) I pushed the placenta out and they moved me onto the couch. My little boy latched on and began nursing right away.
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| weighing the baby. 8 pounds, 9 ounces |
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| listening to the baby's heartbeat |
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| when MM saw it was a boy, she didn't seem too disappointed. "he's sooo cute!" she kept saying over and over. later on she told me, "I think God misunderstood me. I asked for a girl." |
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| boys boys boys |
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| happy Peter! |
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| I have nothing but admiration for this handsome man. He stayed by my side all night long, sleeping in between contractions with me, holding my hand, keeping my face cool with a wash cloth, setting up my beloved birth tub. When morning came, he fixed me breakfast and then sent me off to bed while he watched the kids. My poor husband was so exhausted! We had planned on having a few days of him with the kids before we asked my parents to come help, but he ended up texting them immediatly to "come now." :) We are so thankful for their help that allowed both Jason and I to rest from a long long night of labor! |
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