"An Unexpected Blessing"

Children, though, are not the only gift of marriage. Infertility, too, is a great and mysterious blessing. Just as much as fertility, infertility is a gift husband and wife give one another. It is an affirmation that "I still love you. I love all of you. And I refuse to allow anything to come between us." Infertility is also a gift couples can give to God and to the world. Like Christ’s crucifixion, infertility is a sign of contradiction in a culture in which human life has lost its value.

As Fr. Mitch Pacwa once remarked to us, it seems as if God is asking infertile couples to fast for the sins against life committed by others. Instead of giving children to God, infertile families can give their suffering to him, their unfulfilled longing to conceive a baby. God will use this suffering to glorify his name and bring about the salvation of souls (John 9:1–3). Likewise, infertility is the gift God gives couples for the salvation of their own souls as well as the souls of any children they might eventually adopt. To reject this gift is to reject the specific means by which God wills to lead us to heaven.

Given that children are the "supreme gift of marriage," it might seem strange to think of infertility as a blessing. No doubt, infertility contradicts nature’s intention. The gift of infertility, though, is one that transcends the natural order. It is a sign of divinity, of God’s power to bring life out of a situation where nature is powerless. In this way, infertile spouses are like empty vessels, vessels that can be filled only by the intangible gift of grace. Even more so than those who can have their own children, the infertile couple is called by God to be a channel of spiritual fecundity (CCC 2379). As such, these couples are a sign to the world that the fullness of life is found in the gift of love rather than mere physical existence.

This is not to demean in any way the generosity of large families. Although their sacrifices generally go unappreciated, these families are nonetheless a tangible manifestation of love. Part of the pain of infertility, however, is that it is an invisible sign. In our culture, most people assume that if you don’t have kids, you’re contracepting. If you’re infertile, they suppose you can easily correct the problem through artificial means. The physical and spiritual suffering caused by infertility is usually hidden. To use an analogy, the generosity of the couple who chooses to have a large family is like a brightly burning sun with beams that produce beautiful flowers that everyone can see and admire. While their love might shine just as brightly, the infertile family has no flowers of their own. Yet, as Fulton Sheen perceives: "There is no sign unless something happens contrary to nature. The brightness of the sun is no sign, but an eclipse is."

Like an eclipse, the sign of infertility is incomprehensible without the gift of faith. It is a sign that is usually missed because it is veiled by disappointment and failure. But God is the master of bringing success out of failure and life out of death. If we allow God to reveal himself in the poverty of our infertility, he will give us a harvest of flowers more beautiful than we could sow on our own. Oftentimes, these flowers are not meant for us to keep but to give to others. For the unwed mother, infertile couples impart the gift of hope. For the couple delaying childbirth, infertile families provide motivation. For the orphan, infertile couples present the chance of new life. The Church recommends:

Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord’s cross, the source of all spiritual fecundity. They can give expression to their generosity by adopting abandoned children or performing demanding services for others (CCC 2379).

Just as with physical fertility, spiritual fecundity requires the elimination of any barriers of bitterness, resentment and discouragement that might be obstructing your relationship with God. Although it’s okay to be angry with God, at some point it’s necessary to forgive him. And he will forgive you, too, for not trusting him—whether by using contraception, IUI or ART, or, as is easy to do, by letting the desire to have a child become a god in itself. Forgiveness is the fruit of prayer, which is also a gift of infertility. Without prayer, the heart will never be able to discover, as one anonymous infertile woman puts it, that God is enough to love. Because we can’t understand why God doesn’t give us what we want, we often go in search of it on our own. By doing so, we risk overlooking the shocking truth that the gift of infertility is God himself.

http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2006/0604fea3.asp